Letters I'll never send Chapter 1
by justanotherFAYZ
Summary: So, Kernel and Nadia write each other letters. Too bad neither of which would know how often they think of each other...


**!Attention! All rights to the book, characters and additional references are reserved to the rightful owner. This is a fan-fic, so please don't sue me. All you'll get is a sock full of cheese. Anyway, enjoy- and please comment so i can write more! This story is actually a series of letters between Kernel Fleck and Nadia Moore. It is set in-between the long, kernel and Nadia-less void of demon thief and demon apocalypse , so don't read it until you've read book 2, or it'll be a bit confusing. Written in letter format. This is a 2 part fanfiction. It also has a small reference to my other fan-fic 'the first kill of Nadia Moore' in part 2. Thank you! –Totaltinalover. XOX.**

**Letters I shall never send. Part ½. Kernel's letters to Nadia.**

14 January 1976.

Dear Nadia,

This is the letter i shall never send.

I've tried so many ways to write this, so many different ways of starting, but they all sound stupid, like me i guess. So I'm just going to go out and say it.

We are so similar Nay-Nay.

We're the under-dogs. Both renowned for our strange, rare powers (Like how fast i open windows, or how you can see into the future) and while we are pretty much the backbones of our different sides...We're tossed aside like we don't matter. I think about how Beranabus used to keep you trapped in the demonata universe...Like a slave. I remember the way you were used like a 'it' and not a person. Talked to and payed attention to only when you had a vision.

Well, it's like that with me in the disciples. I don't think they even know my full name. I'm just 'the window opener'. And I'm pretty sure they'll leave me for the demonata if i ever lose the ability to open one.

Basically, i think i finally realise what you went through, and I'm sorry i didn't get it sooner.

Because now it's too late. I don't have you to keep me company, and to refer to me as a human being. Even if i wanted to post this letter, i wouldn't be able to, because i don't know Lord Loss's post-code.

So, your as good as dead to me. Burnt to ash like everyone thinks you are. A part of me wish's you never told me of your alliance with lord loss, because it's driving me insane.

Knowing your so far away, yet somehow within my reach...I want to see you again. To see how you are. To have a proper conversation. To get away from Beranabus. But you warned me that by the time i even crossed your mind, you'll already be pure evil. You'd kill me on the spot. You have no idea how much that hurts me.

A part of me wants to join lord loss, just to get to see you again. But I'm not like you Nadia. When you have a problem, you run away. I think I'm braver...I stayed when i was the most scared, you saw that when i dived head first into the demonata universe, looking for Art.

So, no- I won't be a coward. I'll be stupid and stay where i am. But i miss you, Nay-nay. Even if I know you'd rip my arm off if you heard me call you that.

-Kernel Fleck.

16th August 1983.

Dear Nadia,

I found yet more similarities between us.

We left behind our parents.

I had to leave them twice...Your parents must be dead now.

Have you ever wondered what they thought when we left?

They must have expected the worse. Horrible things we'd never want to put our parents through. Thinking we're dead. That we've been kidnapped, or we're in a cage somewhere deep underground like a animal.

Maybe we're famous.

A lot of missing children are well-known for years afterwards, if the disappearance is mysterious or impossible enough...Now that i mention it, back before i learnt of the demonata, i swear I saw a bit of a documentary about a missing child called Nadia...But it didn't state your last name, so it might not be you. It was hard to tell from the picture, because Beranabus stole you away when you were just 8.

I miss my parents- but not half as much as you.

I'm kind of half wishing i took up your offer about seeing the world together. We could have been happy. Yeah, i see it all now, because I've been through your hell. Maybe one day, we could even of settled down and had a family together. It's crazy talk, because i never really saw you as a love interest...I never really worked out how much I loved you until you were gone.

Here's another reason I can never send this letter- or _these_ letters to be precise.

I don't like talking about my feelings. I'm a distant person, and your very upfront and emotional (one of the few differences between us) and well...I would probably die with embarrassment if anyone found out about these. People treat me like i don't have feelings, so i act like i don't. I'm a loner. I distance myself. But It's burning a hole in my chest.

I hope your OK,

-Kernel Fleck.

12th January 1999.

Dear Nadia,

It pains me to say it...But I've forgotten what you look like. It's been so long.

I was so desperate to see your face again, I tried to find you while Beranabus was sleeping. I told the lights to show me you wherever you are. But there must be something wrong with me, because all the lights brought me to was a sleeping albino. She had red eyes, and white hair. I learnt via her work-journal that she was named 'Juni Swan'. She snored the same way you did, which made me smile but also confused me.

I've never been wrong about something like this before. Perhaps i got it wrong because i can't remember your face, or maybe i'm just crazy. I don't know. But I've found solace in finding an old picture of you in your father's house. It's the same picture they used for the documentary- a pretty, smiling eight year old, looking so happy...

It made me wonder what Beranabus did to you.

-Kernel Fleck.

( Author's note-Hope you enjoyed! If i get any reviews, i'll do some letter from Nadia to Kernel...And am i the only one who sees some potential in these two for a couple? No? –Totaltinalover. XOX)


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